Question:
How do we make chesed completely lishmah? Is it taking away from the chesed when I am "looking" for compliments about the chesed I am doing?
Response:
Doing anything truly lishmah requires becoming a completely selfless individual and that is extremely difficult…if not impossible. We are human and getting a warm fuzzy from knowing or being told that we did good is perfectly normal...and acceptable.
As with many things, the ‘purity’ of an act comes down to the motivation behind it. If we do a kindness for someone because we want to be recognized as a Tzadik or Tzadika and/or to demonstrate our superior middot, we’ve already failed on both accounts. To be sure, it is still a kindness for the person on the receiving end, but the ‘value’ of the act is diminished by the underlying objective. When we do something for someone because we feel it is correct, even if we enjoy the public recognition and feel good about ourselves, as long as you do not let it go to your head, all is good. I’ll give you an example.
Doing a tahara (preparing a person for burial) is called a mitzvah shel emet because the deceased can't say 'thank you', but I do not know anyone who does them that doesn't feel a sense of accomplishment. Does that make it any less a mitzvah shel emet? I don’t think so.
As long as a mitzvah is not being done for the kavod and does not lead to an inflated sense of self-worth, no harm, no foul. We're human. Feeling good that we actually have the capacity to do things that demonstrate the better side of humanity is just peachy…and strongly recommended.
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