Question:
"What does it mean to have a relationship with Hashem? I have heard that expression all my life but I do not know what it means?"
Answer:
Having a relationship with God starts with what I refer to as Gd-consciousness. It is a state of being in which you are aware of the existence of a force much different, 'bigger' and more 'powerful' than yourself. Whose identity is unknown and whose ways are beyond our comprehension and yet, is still somehow inextricably linked to our daily lives. It is being comfortable with this 'reality', even though it may not be the or a guiding force in your life at that moment. It is recognizing that everything comes from a single, awe-inspiring source and that there is no such thing as coincidence. God-consciousness is the fertile soil in which a relationship with God can develop. But, as you asked, "what is a relationship with Hashem?"
For starters, there is no single path to or type of relationship with God. Everybody will have a different range of emotions, means of communication and interpretation of the 'give-and-take'. Yes, 'give-and-take' because like any other, a relationship with Hashem is a two-way street. And, like every other relationship, it is not 50-50. In fact, it is overwhelmingly weighted in our favor. Everything you have, beginning with your life, was given, is sustained and will be reclaimed by God. Nothing you can give back will match those gifts but that's okay, that's not our job. Our job is to accept God's existence and omnipotence, and try to elevate our thoughts and deeds to a point at which most of what we think, say and do is a testimony to our belief, faith and trust in Hashem. And here is where I believe most people fail in understanding what a relationship with G-d entails.
Having a relationship with God is not solely about following halacha and doing mitzvot. Those things are extremely important and are essential tools to living life as God has instructed us to do, to maintaining a tradition and an identity that is unique, time-tested and the key to our survival and serve as a gateway to a much deeper understanding of what it means to be a Torah-observant, G-d fearing/loving Jew. However, simply going through the motions is not having a relationship with G-d. It is following His rule book and that, in and of itself, is a highly commendable achievement, but it's not a relationship.
A relationship with G-d is looking for and seeing His 'hand' in everything that happens to and around you. It is understanding that His suggestion box is always open but He may reject your proposal...and that's okay. It's talking, ranting, singing and crying to G-d as if He is right there and being open, sensitive and perceptive enough to accept His response, rebuke, harmony and handkerchief. It is realizing that the meaning and purpose of life is to continually work to strengthen your understanding of God (albeit a never-ending, unachievable goal) so that it as natural for you to look and see God in your daily life, as it is to see a member of your family. And, it is reaching a level of faith and trust that allows you to accept the limits of your own power and control, and cede them to the source from which they are derived. And, this is perhaps the best barometer for measuring the quality of your relationship. How easily can you accept life's inevitable difficulties as just another test, just another opportunity to validate if your faith and trust in G-d are heartfelt or merely words? The same holds true for our many triumphs. Do we pat ourselves on our backs and delude ourselves into thinking that success was solely the product of our own effort and genius or do we recognize the not-so-small role that the Divine played in our victory? A relationship with God entails working as if He, chas v'shalom, doesn't exist, but knowing that nothing happens without Him. It's finding a balance between working to achieve your goals but ensuring that everything you do along the way highlights the truth and grace of His way. In short, it is striving to get to the point as described by Rabban Gamliel in Pirkei Avot: "Make it that His will should be your will, so that He should make your will to be as His will. Nullify your will before His will, so that He should nullify the will of others before your will."
By no means is that a quick or simple feat but it is much more attainable than you might think. It starts with a conscious effort to be God-conscious. At the same time, it is essential that you make an honest self-assessment. How strong a relationship with God to you really want? Are you willing to change the way you think, speak and act to strengthen that relationship? Are you strong enough to accept that the answer is often not the one you want and, at the same time, dig deeper into the given answer to discover why it is probably the right one for you at that moment? Remember, it's a two-way street and, while we receive so much more than we give, it will rarely seem that way. If the purpose is a never-ending ascension to ever higher heights of God-consciousness to the point it becomes closeness to God, at least half of the journey will be littered with challenges, setbacks and doubts, all designed to make you receptive and appreciative of the peace-of-mind, clarity and perception gained along the way.
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